To the homeless man drinking a can of Olde English on the bus this morning, I’m giving you a grade of F- and this is why:
On my way to work this morning, a very dirty man got on the bus (in the free area) around Westlake center. He then proceeded to lift up a newspaper and pretend to read it. While he did this, he simultaneously drank a can of Olde English 800 High Gravity malt liquor, hiding it from the busdriver, and probably also the dorky security guard in the front of the bus. Nice work, dirty guy.
Homeless man, if you’d like to appeal your grade, please email me answers to the following questions:
1) Why are you on express bus? You don’t seem like you’re the type to be in a hurry to get anywhere. The weather is nice these days, take a walk.
2) Why are you out at all, drunk or not, at 8:30 in the morning? I’m going to work, where the hell are you going? Something tells me the good panhandling starts around lunch, so if I were a bum, I’d probably sleep in.
3) Seriously, drinking Olde English at 8:30 in the morning? That’s more of an after dinner drink for me. I would thinking something sweet, like a dessert wine or some Kahlua would be more appropriate. For 8:30 in the morning. At least drink regular beer, you could not possibly need malt liquor at that hour, the day hasn’t even been around long enough to start sucking.
4) Why were you pretending to read the business section of the paper? Your ruse might have worked a little better if you didn’t pretend to be a filthy, sweaty man, checking in on your tech stocks. While reeking of beer. Maybe next time, try reading the funnies. Garfield makes me want to drink, people might sympathize with you. Like “drink up buddy, Family Circus has been going downhill lately, ever since they got rid of ‘Not Me.’”
Homeless man, please go to the library and get on a computer and email me justification for your actions this morning. And everyone else, please email me if you know of things that suck.
I can be reached at johnnyjive@hotmail.com.
On my way to work this morning, a very dirty man got on the bus (in the free area) around Westlake center. He then proceeded to lift up a newspaper and pretend to read it. While he did this, he simultaneously drank a can of Olde English 800 High Gravity malt liquor, hiding it from the busdriver, and probably also the dorky security guard in the front of the bus. Nice work, dirty guy.
Homeless man, if you’d like to appeal your grade, please email me answers to the following questions:
1) Why are you on express bus? You don’t seem like you’re the type to be in a hurry to get anywhere. The weather is nice these days, take a walk.
2) Why are you out at all, drunk or not, at 8:30 in the morning? I’m going to work, where the hell are you going? Something tells me the good panhandling starts around lunch, so if I were a bum, I’d probably sleep in.
3) Seriously, drinking Olde English at 8:30 in the morning? That’s more of an after dinner drink for me. I would thinking something sweet, like a dessert wine or some Kahlua would be more appropriate. For 8:30 in the morning. At least drink regular beer, you could not possibly need malt liquor at that hour, the day hasn’t even been around long enough to start sucking.
4) Why were you pretending to read the business section of the paper? Your ruse might have worked a little better if you didn’t pretend to be a filthy, sweaty man, checking in on your tech stocks. While reeking of beer. Maybe next time, try reading the funnies. Garfield makes me want to drink, people might sympathize with you. Like “drink up buddy, Family Circus has been going downhill lately, ever since they got rid of ‘Not Me.’”
Homeless man, please go to the library and get on a computer and email me justification for your actions this morning. And everyone else, please email me if you know of things that suck.
I can be reached at johnnyjive@hotmail.com.
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1 comment:
oh, it was the "not me" part
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